Feelings
by twilightslittleangel
Summary: Mistoffelees reflects on his life and how he loved and lost Victoria. one-shot


i ought to make this quick; please review! i dont know if you like it and if you do i might do one for munk or tuggy...the possiblities are endless. dedicated to my best friend and her current boyfriend, and there 8th month anniversary i think. i am totally not sure. also, i might do this for tuggy and munk too so watch out!

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><p>I loved Victoria, and I still do, but it happens that my heart was broken earlier into the night and so I am moping around picking up the pieces. Some say that love is something delicate, and others just rush into it, then there are the hopeless fools that don't do anything but admire from a distance. One or two would say that I was one of the hopeless fools, though they told me to get my game together many times. Those two cats would be the Rum Tum Tugger and Munkustrap, whom I both told under the influence of catnip and promised them that if they told my little secret that I would zap their sorry hinds to the next jellicle life. Personally, I think that it worked and maybe a little too well.<p>

When I had first been in the jellicle junkyard, Victoria was in my little squad of kittens. I was still too young to go out into the junkyard alone and yet old enough to watch. She was only a few years younger, three at the most, and even then I found some affection towards that white cat. Sometimes I regret not being like a kitten, not playing with the rest of them as much as I should have, but maybe that is why I am now. Of course, you would have to factor in the fact that I was still learning about my magical skills.

Once I was let out of the junkyard I became friends with Munkustrap and Tugger, because they saw I was a little lonely and lost in the junkyard, while they were much older than me. Victoria was still in some care of Jenny and Jellylorum, but was granted some freedom too. I would often walk past her little den in the clothing chest. Sometimes I would hear her humming. Things like this supplied me with enough of her until I became to tolerant and wanted more. When I would go and dance for a while, many cats would come and join me, and often times she did too.

The night I spent with Tugger and Munkustrap, they had fed me catnip without telling me anything, and then remained normal so that they could see how I reacted. When they started to talk about various queens that they fancied, I must have blurted out about my affection for Victoria, and I will never live to hear the end of it, or to think of it, I won't be able to be bugged about that anymore.

I guess you could say that I had formed a huge crush on the certain queen, and we did become great friends, but when you have the world's biggest flirt for a friend he gives you advice, mostly to an do it. When Tugger told me this, he actually meant it. Only a few times in my life have I heard of the Rum Tum Tugger being serious. Munkustrap was always one that didn't really relax, especially when he let Alonzo watch for one night. That night, I was sitting there with Munk so that he could have back up if something happened, and if something didn't he planned to send me out so he could evaluate his performance. That night I was scratched and hurt, and woke up the next morning very stiff.

My uncle Bustopher Jones was always a very good supporter of me, though he didn't know what was often troubling the heart of mine, he knew that someone to confide in would help. I did eventually tell him about my longing for Victoria, but I had to do it quickly because he was about to leave for his table in the local club, or one of them. To actually think of it now, I guess that he probably didn't think of it and that was the last official time I had actually seen him. Sometimes I wonder how he is doing and if he remembers what we used to talk about.

Over a few months I became friends with Victoria, and I knew that this was like a gateway in order for me to achieve my goal. We spent long nights together talking, and before the jellicle ball we both practiced our dancing and singing, as well as teaching new kittens some of the basics. Afterwards we would go and hunt for some mice or something, go bug Tugger or do something that only best friends would do. When Tugger was busy, I would hang out with Victoria. We would have expeditions of the junkyard together because Tugger or Munk was busy.

When I was finally feeling the compassion and love bursting through the seams of my tattered heart, I hoped that she felt the same way about me. A few nights before the jellicle ball, we had decided to have a gathering of dancing and such, but I was stretching and preparing myself so I didn't pull any muscles and she didn't show up, and I was heartbroken. Then, I caught her walking down a path to our secret meeting place with one of the cats her age, and his name was most likely Plato, I just don't honestly remember.

To put it plainly, by then I had decided to stop looking for love if it was only to hurt myself and wreck my newly fragile heart. Victoria had hurt my heart and I knew that it was on the verge of blowing up and making me fall apart. Tugger had helped me a little, and I started to spend more time with him. So much time that I could almost swear that I was becoming a part of him, and I learned how to properly groom my hair and tail. The things that I learn. Often times I would stay in my little den, napping or practicing my magic, sometimes just sitting there and staring at something. My bed was now high up off of the ground and my fur was well groomed. I was becoming the human equivalent of a crazy cat lady.

New found loneliness now occupied my life, and the nights leading up to the jellicle ball. I got lots of sleep, and was often up helping Munkustrap keep watch or volunteering with the kittens. As long as I was making some good use of myself I wouldn't feel so bad in the morning. The days passed slowly and the nights passed slower, until I couldn't stand it anymore and then I just moved in with the Tugger. He split the den in half, and I got one half and he got the other. I also was accepted in to Munk's den when Tugger was…busy.

You couldn't have possibly felt what I had felt when I went to the jellicle ball. I had to be there for old Deuteronomy, and when he saw Victoria dancing he thought about how he had helped teach her some of the moves she knew. She looked happy and I knew that she was. I just hoped that someday I would get to see her and tell her how I felt, though I will still feel it. Tugger knew that there was a few ways to buy time, like breaking into Jenny's song and sing about himself, and Munk was on board with this too, so he would tell many a story.

Before the ball, during the preparations Victoria and I were both put on a job of watching sleeping kittens, mainly to keep them away from Tugger as he se t up. Victoria told me about how she was going to become Plato's mate, and though it hurt I didn't let her see the emotion. I was hoping to just tune it out. Just before our shift was over, I told her how I felt, and her eyes glassed over and made me feel sad.

Now most would say that telling her was a good thing and that I should feel better about myself, but to be honest I still felt horrible. My heart was aching and as I was stretching minutes before, Tugger and Munk came to join me and congratulated me on my freshly ruined heart. Well, they didn't know that my heart was hurt, but they did find out. This didn't stop them from going on with the plans that they had made previously.

Hope. I must have been missing hope from my usual state of mind. I didn't factor in that Victoria would be very unwilling and was going to leave Plato, even after the mating dance. She would talk to old Deuteronomy and see if she could. After Deuteronomy was stolen and I managed to conjure him back, with some moral help from Tugger singing me a song. He knew how to make a crowd and draw attention to people other than himself, but most of the time he just liked to draw attention to himself. He must have known something that I didn't know.

The rest of the day I slept and was woken up by Tugger leaving the den and a knock at the door. I got up and stumbled out of my mountain of blankets and answered the entry, because there was little door left. The cat at the door was white; all of the paws I could see were white anyways. My heart started to rush, and I pushed the door open. Victoria was indeed standing there, with a happy face that made my soul feel warm.

"I'm yours."

Those two words made me feel so loved. She had given up her relationship with Plato for me. Old Deuteronomy was willing enough to help for the sake of love. I lovingly embraced her, our heads close together and our hearts even closer. How my life could have been any better. A rustle or two emanated from the nearest pile of garbage. I should have known that Tugger and Munkustrap would have a part in this. Life was good, and now I was complete.

When I look at it from my current age, with my little kittens all around me and knowing that I am closer to the wonders that the Heaviside layer possess, this story makes my heart feel whole, and the rips that did exist become even more extinct. The thought that fairy tale endings do exist makes me feel even happier and I know that when my kittens get older and wiser, finding suitable mates, and having Uncle Tugger lovingly harass them. Munkustrap and Demeter were just as happy as me, just as well as the Rum Tum Tugger and Bombalurina. In fact, I think that I might be late for my weekly get together with Tugger and Munkustrap.


End file.
